Your Past, Present, & Future Path to Happiness!

The path to happiness—aren’t we all on a journey to find joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, and contentment in our lives?  I just read about an interesting therapeutic approach, Time Perspective Therapy, created by psychologist Philip Zimbardo, who examines six outlooks a person can have about his/her life:

1)  Past –Positive (You look back on the past with happiness and loving memories)

        2)  Past-Negative (You have regrets or negative memories of bad experiences)

        3)  Present-Hedonism (You are satisfied in your present life and enjoy rewarding yourself)

        4)  Present-Fatalism (You feel that control is in fate’s hands, so why bother)

        5)  Goal-Oriented Future (You plan ahead and actively weight costs/benefits)

        6)  Transcendental-Future (You lead a moral, good life because you believe heaven is after death)

Click here to test your own Time Perspective!

As you may assume, Zimbardo suggests that the best combination to have is a mix of high past-positive, relatively high goal-oriented future, and moderate present hedonism.  This translates into looking back on your past with fond memories, being driven for your future and expecting a good outcome, and being satisfied with your present life and rewarding yourself when appropriate.  If you fall into this category, it sounds like you may be fairly high on the happiness scale!

The risky combination, which may be seen in people with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, is a combination of significant past-negative and present-fatalism, which translates into someone who has regret and traumatic past experiences, and who feels he/she can’t do anything to change it.  A common symptom in depression is hopelessness for the future, and someone with this combination would likely have low future orientation.

The relieving news is that you are not stuck with your current time perspective! Zimbardo showed that you can change your past-positive score.  For example, by letting go of the trauma and negative events, and focusing on the details of the positive past, such as by retelling happy experiences, creating photo albums, and writing gratitude letters to people who encouraged you.  In the present, research shows you can increase your happiness by doing things like exercise, helping a friend/volunteering, being appreciative of the little things, and increasing social support.  Reward yourself with fun activities, like going out to eat with a friend, or spoil yourself with a massage.  And as far as the future goes, plan things you can look forward to, such as a vacation or social event.

It’s really about changing your perspective from what’s bad in your life and out of your control, to what’s good in your life and what’s in your control.  Try not to ruminate on mistakes, and focus your energy on moving in a positive direction.  Taking baby steps and acknowledging small progress will help you feel more satisfied in the present and more hopeful for the future.

Check out this brief video on a fascinating marshmallow study (yes, I said marshmallow!) and "how your own relationship to time plays a significant role in your happiness."

BE HAPPY NOW!

Take happiness into your own hands—read this article to find out how

How to Get Flat Abs, Have Amazing Sex and Rule the World in 8 Easy Steps

Take home messages=be KIND, be GRATEFUL, & stop creating artificial problems in your head!

Substance Abuse Recovery Group for College Students

What: This therapy group is for male and female college students who are working on being clean and sober from drugs and alcohol due to addiction or substance use issues. Topics addressed include relapse prevention, coping skills, stress management, socializing at college without drugs/alcohol, and mental health issues

When: Beginning Monday October 28^th at 7pm

            Groups will be one hour on an ongoing basis on Mondays

at 7pm

Where: 233 Harvard Street Suite 301

               Brookline, MA 02446

 *T-accessible (Green line, car C)

Cost: $10 per group

Contact: Samantha Burns, LMHC

                 781-214-6258

                 Burnsmentalhealth@gmail.com         https://www.facebook.com/BurnsMentalHealthandWellness

*Students need to have a brief phone interview with the group leader before joining. Please call or e-mail Samantha

Addiction: Solving the Equation of Sobriety

Are you struggling to control your substance use? Read on to find useful tools for sobriety

Have you found yourself drinking or drugging more heavily than usual? In isolation? When stressed, depressed, or angry? Blacking out? Uncomfortable when alcohol/drugs are not around? Guilty about your use?  If you answer yes to these questions, you may have a problem with substance use.

Accepting that you are an addict is an enormous accomplishment.  Many people begin on this journey with a specific question—“Why me?”  They ponder why in social settings everyone else can stop drinking (or drugging), but they go home and continue to secretly drink, with a lack of self-control, which eventually spirals into a vicious cycle of self-loathing and disgust.

I encourage self-exploration as a means to insight into how one has developed the disease of addiction, but from my experience, I have found that no matter the reason that led to addictive behavior, finding the answer to this initial question does not typically lead to “cured behavior.”  It is rare that a client says, “Ah ha! I am an addict because I have a family history of addiction, I self-medicate with alcohol when I feel depressed, and I know that once I have one drink, I can’t stop….Now that I know this about myself, I just won’t drink anymore.” 

Addicts crave instant gratification, so the idea of “one day at a time” (and in some instances, one minute at a time) can be disheartening.  Examining past errors and making amends is an important aspect of recovery work, but I like to emphasize the significance of forward, hopeful thinking.  Sobriety means taking back control of your behaviors, and making a choice to abstain (actively denying yourself alcohol/drugs), which leads to feelings of greater control of your emotions and relationships.

The hard, frustrating truth is that there is no magic cure to addiction.

Instead of a “cure,” think in terms of a formula!  Caroline Knapp, author of Drinking A love Story, once wrote “Discomfort + Drink= No Discomfort,” but after the initial protection of alcohol wears off (usually after your relationships fall apart, your work suffers, legal and financial trouble sets in), the equation becomes “Pain + Drink= Self-obliteration.”

So now, in terms of recovery, try this formula:

Self-awareness + Psychoeducation + Motivation + Commitment + Coping Skills + Social Support= Sobriety

Let me break it down a little for you:

Self-Awareness= Know your triggers (people, places things) and red flags to relapse (changes in your mood, attitude, behavior).  Are you starting to isolate more? Increase in irritability? A shift towards an “I don’t care” attitude?

Psychoeducation= Learn about the disease of addiction and how addiction affects the brain 

Motivation= Try rating your current motivation for recovery on a scale from 1-5 (5= most motivated). It’s unrealistic to think you will be a 5 everyday.  Think of motivation moving in a wave—some days you will feel confident, other days you may feel drained and hopeless

Commitment= Being committed to your recovery, even on days when motivation is low or you have intense cravings

Coping Skills= Activities you can use to redirect your using thoughts, cravings, stress, depression, anxiety, or other uncomfortable feelings.  These can be relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, or other activities, such as exercise, playing with a pet, calling a friend, reading a book, etc.  One of the hardest parts of early recovery is changing your old using routine, so try a new hobby or interest that can take the place of the time you spent drinking/drugging (ex. join a sports league, pick up gardening, take a class)

Social Support= These are people in your life with whom you feel you can be honest and truthful, and who are reliable.  Great places to seek out social support, in addition to family and friends (preferable sober, clean friends) are AA or NA meetings, Smart Recovery, individual counseling and/or group therapy.

In a recent substance abuse group that I lead, the topic of bibliotherapy came up, and many of the clients expressed that reading has been helpful in abating their struggles throughout the arduous journey of sobriety.  Here are some great books and an article to read as you tackle your addiction:

Dry: A Memoir by Augusten Burroughs 

 Drinking A Love Story by Caroline Knapp











The Sober Revolution by Sarah Turner & Lucy Rocca 

Woman vs Man...Who Needs More Sleep and Why!

Read below to find out why women need more sleep than men!

Hey ladies—tell your boyfriend or husband it’s his turn to do the morning chores--new research shows that women need more sleep than men do in order to be at their mental and physical best!

Scientists at Duke University Medical Center have found empirical evidence that poor sleep is associated with increased levels of psychological distress and greater risk for stroke and cardiovascular problems, such as heart disease and type II diabetes.  Poor sleep refers to the amount of sleep you are getting, the frequency of awakenings during the night, and the length of time it takes you to fall asleep. 

The study found that women who reported that it took them longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep were at greatest risk, and that poor sleep was related to increased feelings of anger, depression, and hostility. 

So how much more sleep should a woman get than a man?  Professor Jim Horne, director of the Sleep Research Centre at Loughborough University and author of Sleepfaring: A Journey Through The Science Of Sleep, suggests that women need, on average, 20 more minutes of sleep than men.  From his research, Horne found that women tend to multi-task more than men, and thus, require more deep sleep so that the brain has time to repair itself.

So ladies, now that you have permission to get some extra shut-eye, how should you go about doing it?  A lot of clients report to me that they have difficulty getting healthy sleep.  Some report frustrations falling asleep, blaming anxiety and racing thoughts that prevent them from drifting off, while others report they wake up frequently throughout the night. 

Bedtime is not just for children! It’s really important to practice a nighttime routine so that your body adjusts and can start winding down when you start your routine, making it easier to fall asleep when you climb into bed.  Try to start getting ready for bed at the same time every night. 

Your bedroom should only be used for SLEEP (or sex, which is good too)!  That means turn off your tv, put away your computer, and pay your bills in another room.  Artificial light from your computer, tv and cell phone have actually been shown to affect your  Circadian Rhythm, which makes it difficult to go to bed earlier. 

sleep or sex, but no computers in bed!

Keep the temperature cool, turn your clock away from you (sometimes glancing at it while you struggle to fall asleep just increases anxiety as you count down each minute until you have to wake up), and try to clear your mind with some relaxation techniques, such as visualization.  If you can’t fall asleep within a half hour, get out of bed and try a quiet, calming activity in another room (ex. read a book in dim light). Once your eyes feel heavy, hop back in and try again.

Now go set your alarm for 20 minutes later (or go to bed 20 minutes earlier), and rejuvenate your brain, body, and mental state!