Sleeping Separately Can Benefit Your Relationship!

Is sleeping separately an omen of distancing and divorce? I believe it can be quite the opposite—it just depends on your reasons for hitting the sack solo!  Sleeping separately doesn’t always signal trouble in paradise.  Perfectly happy and loving couples may suffer from a lack of sleep. 

A poor nights sleep can have troubling effects on your mood and relationship!  When you don’t sleep well, you are more likely to be irritable, short-tempered, anxious, and susceptible to stress, making it more likely to get into arguments and lash out at your partner.  If you’ve ever had a night of tossing and turning, you know it’s difficult to focus, be productive, and keep your eyes open the next day! 

Research has found that sleep deprivation leads to serious effects on mood.  A University of Pennsylvania study reports that participants who only got 4.5 hours of sleep per night for one week were more stressed, sad, angry, and mentally exhausted. When they returned to normal sleep, they reported a dramatic boost in mood!

Sleep Problem or Relationship Problem?

Everyone has different sleep habits, and even if you have found your perfect match, it does not mean you and your partner are harmonious sleepers.

Sleeping Challenges:

Snoring

Firmness of bed

Temperature of room

Finding a comfortable sleeping position

Activities before bed (ex. reading, music, tv)

If you and your partner are struggling to sleep together, you may want to consider separate rooms.  Now your gut reaction may be “We don’t have real problems,” “Doesn’t sleeping separately lead to break up/divorce?” or “The only time we have alone together is before bed.”  This isn't an issue of banning your partner to the couch due to marital problems! You must distinguish between relationship issues and sleep issues.  Initially, it may sound counterintuitive, but to optimize your relationship health, you need to optimize your sleep health!

Differentiate between a sleep problem and a relationship problem.

If you are generally very happy, satisfied, and content in your relationship, but sleeping is the thorn in your side, it may be time to make some changes

So how can you be successful in your relationship while sleeping separately?  Prioritize cuddling and affection (in bed, on the couch, while make dinner) the same as you would if you were sleeping in the same bed.  Continue to make time for pillow talk—you know, intimate conversation (which doesn’t have to come after sex) when you lay next to each other and talk about your relationship or even the events of your day.  You can still climb into bed together, but one person can retreat to his or her own room when the pillow talk drifts off and you’ve had your cuddle needs met. 

Successful couples keep their connection strong through affection and communication, so when it’s time to love each other during the day, be intimate and loving, and when it’s time to sleep, actually sleep! You may find yourself even happier in your relationship when you get a good night’s rest.

 Check out a featured story on Good Morning America for more on this topic!

Get Better and Healthier Sleep TODAY!

Sleep affects everything from mood to weight, so why not practice the best sleep techniques to get your body happy and healthy?  Sleep deprivation has been shown to have some serious negative side effects, such as killing your sex drive, impairing your attention and concentration (good-bye work productivity), heart disease, high blood pressure and stroke, dangerous drowsy driving, weight gain, and a weakened immune system.  

Anyone can reap the benefits of a well rested body and brain, you just have to make it a priority! Here are some simple steps you can start today to practice healthy sleep habits:

1) Wake up at the same time everyday….yes, even on weekends!
2) Check your technology at the door!
3) Napping is not just for babies...take a siesta for 30 min or less (ideal between 2-3pm)!
4) Exercise lifts your spirits, drops your pants size, AND helps you sleep more soundly!
5) Bring back a bedtime routine!
6) Skip the late night snack!
7) Sleep= Health & Performance!
8) Control your worry about not getting enough sleep!

Read more: 8 Habits of Well Rested People

Woman vs Man...Who Needs More Sleep and Why!

Read below to find out why women need more sleep than men!

Hey ladies—tell your boyfriend or husband it’s his turn to do the morning chores--new research shows that women need more sleep than men do in order to be at their mental and physical best!

Scientists at Duke University Medical Center have found empirical evidence that poor sleep is associated with increased levels of psychological distress and greater risk for stroke and cardiovascular problems, such as heart disease and type II diabetes.  Poor sleep refers to the amount of sleep you are getting, the frequency of awakenings during the night, and the length of time it takes you to fall asleep. 

The study found that women who reported that it took them longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep were at greatest risk, and that poor sleep was related to increased feelings of anger, depression, and hostility. 

So how much more sleep should a woman get than a man?  Professor Jim Horne, director of the Sleep Research Centre at Loughborough University and author of Sleepfaring: A Journey Through The Science Of Sleep, suggests that women need, on average, 20 more minutes of sleep than men.  From his research, Horne found that women tend to multi-task more than men, and thus, require more deep sleep so that the brain has time to repair itself.

So ladies, now that you have permission to get some extra shut-eye, how should you go about doing it?  A lot of clients report to me that they have difficulty getting healthy sleep.  Some report frustrations falling asleep, blaming anxiety and racing thoughts that prevent them from drifting off, while others report they wake up frequently throughout the night. 

Bedtime is not just for children! It’s really important to practice a nighttime routine so that your body adjusts and can start winding down when you start your routine, making it easier to fall asleep when you climb into bed.  Try to start getting ready for bed at the same time every night. 

Your bedroom should only be used for SLEEP (or sex, which is good too)!  That means turn off your tv, put away your computer, and pay your bills in another room.  Artificial light from your computer, tv and cell phone have actually been shown to affect your  Circadian Rhythm, which makes it difficult to go to bed earlier. 

sleep or sex, but no computers in bed!

Keep the temperature cool, turn your clock away from you (sometimes glancing at it while you struggle to fall asleep just increases anxiety as you count down each minute until you have to wake up), and try to clear your mind with some relaxation techniques, such as visualization.  If you can’t fall asleep within a half hour, get out of bed and try a quiet, calming activity in another room (ex. read a book in dim light). Once your eyes feel heavy, hop back in and try again.

Now go set your alarm for 20 minutes later (or go to bed 20 minutes earlier), and rejuvenate your brain, body, and mental state!