If there were ever an excuse to get your hubby to watch a romantic movie with you, dare I say "The Notebook," this is it! Who knew sitting in front of the TV could prevent divorce?
A new study has shown that watching romantic movies with your partner can be just as
effective in reducing divorce rates as other types of popular couples therapy.
Research from the University of
Rochester found that newlyweds and engaged couples who watched and discussed 5
romantic movies in a month cut the three-year divorce rate in half. These
results were just as effective when compared with more traditional therapeutic
approaches (conflict management and compassion and acceptance training). All three methods reduced the
separation/divorce rate from 24% to 11%.
Is it really that simple? I’m not suggesting that a couple on
the brink of separation negate couples therapy for a movie marathon to save
their ailing marriage. But, I do believe this could be a great activity for maintaining
relationship satisfaction over the years.
In the study, once a week for a
month couples watched a movie together and using a list of questions discussed
it afterward for 45 minutes. The
questions asked participants to reflect on their own relationship, similar to
the types of questions I may ask in a couples therapy session. Here are some sample questions taken from the
study:
- Did this couple strive to understand each other? Did they tend to accept one another, even if they were very different? Or did the couple tend to attack each others’ differences? In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
- Did the couple have a strong friendship with each other? Were they able to support each other through bad moods, stressful days, and hard times? Did they listen to each other like good friends? Did the couple in the movie do considerate or affectionate things for each other? In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
- If the couple got into arguments, did they tend to become heated? Did the couple ever start attacking each other, getting increasingly mean and hostile? Did they end up saying things they didn’t really mean? Once this started happening, how did the arguments tend to end? In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
Whether you’re watching movies or
meeting with a counselor, it’s all about investing in your relationship, and
yourself. There’s a good chance you’re
already aware of how your actions affect your partner. Now it’s about reducing harmful behaviors and
increasing the helpful ones. It’s not about pointing fingers at who is right
and wrong, but being self-aware and taking responsibility for your role in the
situation or argument.
Interested in the movie
approach? Try it at
home--you can find a list of suggested movies and discussion questions here:
Movies and Questions (http://www.rochester.edu/news/divorce-rate-cut-in-half-for-couples-who-discussed-relationship-movies/movie-list-and-questions.pdf)
