Is Your Partner "The One?"

Read This Blog To Determine If Your Partner Is Marriage Material!

Are You Ready to Say “I Do?”  The thought of choosing a life-long spouse can be anxiety provoking, especially if you tend to over-analyze the relationship. So how do you know if your partner is “The One?”  To be honest, there is no magic answer to this question!

Everyone has a unique experience, so don’t worry if you don’t have that aha, “You’re my soulmate” moment. But in general, you should feel that you are stronger as a team than as individuals, enjoy spending time with your partner, and feel it is difficult to imagine your future without them. If you’re unsure whether or not your current boyfriend/girlfriend is a lifetime partner, check out this 2-minute video based on psychological research, which highlights some key points to relationship/marital success:

How to know if you should get married

Take a moment to watch the video by yourself and think about the 6 main areas it addresses.  It may be clear to you whether or not you meet the criteria for a potentially happy marriage!  If you’re still looking for more clarity or your partner’s opinion, sit down and watch it together.  Follow it up with a discussion about these key points:

1) How often do you compliment your partner? How often do you criticize your partner? The video suggests this ratio should be 5:1.  If you’re lacking in this area, you can boost your positive reinforcement by making an active effort to appreciate, flatter, praise, and admire your partner.

2) Do you make each other laugh? Does one person laugh at the other’s expense? Finding the same things funny increases your positive experiences together and makes your time as a couple more enjoyable!

3) When you make plans do you say, “I am doing…” or “we are doing…?” “We” shows that you are considerate of your partner and that you choose to include him/her in decision making, whereas “I” may suggest you’re not committed to the relationship or spending time together.  This may be more problematic for the relationship’s future if the man tends to use “I” more than “we.”  If this is the case, discuss it with your partner—he/she may not even realize it’s coming out that way! Try using “I Statements” to address the issue, and out the "I" when you hear it without blaming/attacking.

4) When someone asks you how you met, what is your partner’s response? The video suggests that long, romantic, affectionate, & expansive responses may be related to a happier, longer marriage!

5) What’s your fighting style? It’s normal to have disagreements, but it’s the type of communication you use during those conflicts that matters!  Escalated yelling, swearing, and name-calling are not good signs.  Another big warning sign may be if the male partner tends to withdraw from the argument without rationally discussing the problem.

6) Lastly, the video points out other factors such as getting married younger than age 25, low income, no higher education, different religions, and coming from a divorced family.  These factors may increase the risk of getting a divorce because they can add stress to the relationship.

To end on a positive note, even if you meet one or all of the criteria mentioned on the video, it does not mean that you can’t make the relationship work! Things like complimenting your partner more, using “we” instead of “I,” and changing the way you fight are behaviors that can be adjusted, as long as you are committed to improving the relationship.  Think of these as warning signs that need some attention before you tie the knot.  Realistically, every relationship has problems, but it’s the way you can work together to decrease conflicts and increase satisfaction that will make you and your partner a successful couple!