Habits of Happy Couples

I stumbled across a short article by Dr. Mark Goulston, on Psychology Today and thought it was worth putting in my own two cents! He identifies 10 Habits of Happy Couples and I’ve expanded on them…

Read on to learn about 10 habits of happy couples...

1) Go to bed at the same time: Yes, I know you worked a long day and it’s easy to flop on the couch and drift off to the drone of the TV, but fight that urge and get up and into the sack with your significant other! Snuggling up in bed might cause some sexual excitement, but just having non-sexual physical affection for ten minutes each day has shown to increase relationship satisfaction.  In addition, it gives you time to have some quality conversation, so you’ll feel more connected.

2) Cultivate common interests: After the initial honeymoon stage, it’s important to realize that you share some activities together (besides sex) that you both enjoy.  You may each bring unique hobbies to the table, and loving couples show interest in their partner’s activities.  They bond over learning new skills and sharing new experiences.  Just don’t forget that you need a balance of having your own independent endeavors.

3) Walk hand in hand or side by side: Whether you’re out for a stroll or sight seeing, being with your partner and not running off without them, is important. Sharing this time together and being in the moment is what will strengthen your experience.

4) Make trust and forgiveness your default mode: I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but trust really is a building block to a strong relationship. It’s normal--couples argue, but happy couples foster forgiveness, not grudges.  Want to know more about your arguing style?  Take this quick quiz

5) Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong: Our society has taught us to search for the negative and try to fix it—not to appreciate what you have done well.  Latest research shows that gratitude is a key to happiness, so apply this to your relationship and appreciate the things your partner does right.  Everyone loves positive feedback, complements, and being built up, not put down.

6) Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work: Studies have shown that physical touch elicits positive emotion and intimacy from yourself, your partner, and has long-term psychological effects for wellbeing.  It’s a small act, but greeting your partner at the door with a loving hug can make them feel like a priority and shows that you are there to support them, especially after a difficult or long day.

7) Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning:
 Hearing these words gives you the warm fuzzies inside and lets you go off to battle your daily hassles and frustrating work with a little shield of love.

8) Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel: I would add to this say both “good night” and “I love you,” (similar to habit #7) 
each night, as it makes your partner feel secure in the relationship.  This will be especially important if you are upset about something, because it gives you and your partner hope that you will work through it, and that regardless of the issue, you still want to be in the relationship. 

9) Do a “weather” check during the day:
 It feels great to know that your partner is thinking about you during the day, despite being busy with work meetings or errands.  If a call is too time consuming, a quick text to saying “thinking of you” or “hope your day is going well” helps you feel connected.  Also, knowing how your partner’s day is going can help you figure out your time at home together later that night.  For example, you’ll know if you need to be extra supportive about something, or pick up a celebratory cake!

10) Be proud to be seen with your partner:
 Partners feel happy and valued when you are openly proud to have them on your arm.  Appropriate public displays of affection show that you enjoy being out and about with your significant other.

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These “habits” should feel natural, and are not meant to be time consuming.  Which behaviors are you already doing? Which habit can you try to incorporate more into your daily routine? At the end of the day, it’s all about making your partner happy, because in return, that should make you feel happy!